Being in the Olympics is
a thing of joy. After all,
countries like
Madagascar and the
Vatican City did not
even make it there. So,
we thank God. We
thank God even though
we participated in just
eight of the 26 sports.
This is how to
participate in a great
event like the Olympics.
There really is no need
to do all the long term,
back-breaking work
that countries like the
US and China do.
Especially China. Those
mean guys get their
athletes and start
drilling them from the
time they are two-
years-old until they
become Olympic-medal-
winning machines. That
is evil and unfair to
children who should
enjoy their childhood.
Our Child Rights Act
forbids that kind of
thing. God will look into
the matter of the
Chinese. We must never
be like them. Or like the
Americans who have
sport programmes in
schools across their
country -- students are
supposed to be reading
and doing serious
things. It is important
to preserve our
Universities and
secondary schools as
places of learning, and
not encourage young
people to excel in
sports. We do not need
to spend any money on
sports.
As we have shown by
example, the best time
to start preparations
for the Olympics is a
few months before it
begins. Find a good
number of the team
from athletes and
professional sportsmen
and women outside the
country who have
Nigerian names or at
least one Nigerian
parent. They need to
come to the rescue of
their nation. We know
they will come. Yes,
some will betray us and
play for countries like
Great Britain, USA,
France, even the tiny
Island of Fiji (God will
judge those ones and
truncate their hustle),
but the majority will
come. With all the
financial, social and
political crises in our
country, we do not
have the luxury of
spending years
developing local talent.
Find Nigerian
professionals wherever
they are. In a cool game
like basketball for
example, why send a
local basketball player
from Ogbomosho (who
will need to have his
English translated on
international television)
when there are all
those Nigerian-
Americans with nice
accents that we can
use? Why?
For those who are
already too old,
especially for the
football team, reduce
their ages by half. By
the next Olympics, the
footballer who was 23
this year will already be
too old to even kick a
ball, but that is not
what matters. What
matters is that we find
a team today for this
Olympics.
As you quickly put a
team together for the
Olympics, you must, as
Sports Minister, publicly
express confidence that
members of Team
Nigeria will win medals.
Call our hurried
preparations
impressive. Because it
IS impressive. If anyone
questions your miracle
of rigging an Olympic
team in such a short
time, God will look into
their matter and judge
them appropriately.
Delay the release of
funds allocated for the
team. Make sure they
get the money as late
as possible because
they really do not need
the money to prepare.
We all know how
money spoils things in
Nigeria.
As you prepare to
travel, do the most
important thing: urge
Nigerians to pray for
the success of Team
Nigeria. Because, among
167 million praying
Nigerians, there must
be at least one
righteous person whose
prayers will soften the
heart of the Nigerian
god and make us win
medals.
When you realise that
no one is winning
medals, quickly declare
that your best
achievement has been
that, unlike in the past,
nobody is quarrelling and
nobody is fighting with
anybody. Nigerians all
deserve medals
because the Sports
Ministry is not fighting
with the Nigerian Sports
Commission or the
Nigerian Olympic
Committee. For this, we
must give God all the
glory.
As a member of Team
Nigeria, you must not
let anything stop you
from having fun in
London. Not even
sadness due to your
woeful performance.
Indiscipline might sound
like a bad word but,
trust me, in Nigeria it
has its uses. In this
context, I can identify
at least two uses. First,
it enables you to do
things like skip camp
and go shopping and
sightseeing -- who
knows when next you
will return to London?
Second, it gives the
Minister a perfect
excuse for a terrible
outing -- he can blame
everything on your
indiscipline. Indiscipline
makes everybody
happy. But please,
whatever you do, don’t
get lost in London like
those Cameroonians. It
is so clichéd, and the
Nigerian god really finds
it irritating that after
blessing your sweat-
free hustle with juicy
estacodes you would go
hide like a rat in a
crowded city like
London.
Most important of all,
learn nothing from the
experience when you
return. It is too early to
start planning for the
next Olympics, plus you
will be really exhausted
from all the shopping
and distributing things
your Nigerian friends
gave you money to buy
for them from London.
You need rest. If
anyone insults you for a
shameful outing in
London, God will handle
their matter.
We wish you a safe
return. May you be
cured of any injuries you
may have sustained at
the Olympics, or those
you will sustain while
unpacking. God bless
your hustle in advance.
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